Home... or Adventure?

When I was a young adult waking to the adult world around me, I had a pretty pastel-colored card taped to my refrigerator. On it was a picture of a little girl standing before a fork in the road. There was a signpost pointed in two different directions - one arrow was labeled ‘Home’, and the other, ‘World’. I had a deep longing for home and comfort, and yet I also understood the pull of adventure.

All of us long for that feeling of home, a place where we are always welcomed, feel safe, loved and free to be exactly who we are. But that doesn’t mean we want to be home 24/7. Most of us as well are called out into the world by beckoning dreams and burgeoning desires, hopeful that our journeys will keep us well and our adventures will deepen our lives. But how many of us actually enhance our lives and equip our spirits with a healthy balance of both Home and World?

Our families are usually a driving force behind creating and maintaining a home stronghold. We need a place in which to rest and rejuvenate, commune and connect, and dance around the living room in our pajamas. We even have an instinctual urge to nest and create a safe haven from the chaos of the world at large. Some of us try to re-create our childhood experiences in the form of home, while others attempt to fashion an entirely new nesting habitat and familial rituals.

But too much home and not enough adventure can leave us stagnant, dull and set in our ways. And too much journeying forgoing a home-front can leave us ungrounded, scattered or anxious. We need a sense of home for psychological, physical and spiritual reasons. Yet while creating a home space might seem easy to some, to be truly satisfying it requires a significant level of awareness, an openness to other people, and a willingness to sustain that feeling of ‘home’.

Sometimes, on the other hand, we actually have to leave home in order to appreciate all that it means and gives to us. We need to occasionally journey away in order to get a grander sense of things and a fresh perspective on who we are and how we’re living. Coincidentally, setting out on a journey may seem daunting or we may find ourselves clinging to home at its very onset. Journeys do require a certain amount of courage, flexibility, determination and hope. Even those that seem effortless are deepening our character and our ability to affect our lives for the better.

Our careers might provide us with adventures in the form of travel, or our search for meaning may lead us unto journeys of self discovery. But any journey, really, should lead to some sort of self-awareness or bigger-picture understanding. Then, we can head on home, equipped with an expanded perspective, a deeper wisdom - and most likely - a fresh, sincere appreciation of home.

Seeking Home

The act of moving, when you think about it (whether a town, residence or work space), can bring up a lot of things… Fear of change, a sudden nostalgia for what we’ve got, apprehensiveness about uncertainty... On one hand there’s excitement because you’re looking at the great possibilities for your life. And yet on the other, the unknown -the lack of guarantees or a safety net - can give rise to anxieties and second thoughts. Whether being forced to move, choosing to move or being unable to move, life can turn chaotic when we’re trying to manage our current lives and transition to a new one at the same time.

“It’s very disorienting because of our habits,” Stephen says, “things we’ve gotten used to, routines, and the in between time” in which we rest and renew. Moving also usually “requires getting rid of something, something we spent a lot of time acquiring.” So our priorities are questioned and that can put our whole life up for review.

Pondering a possible move in the near future, my husband and I question what we’re leaving behind that’s not working for us, as well as what we hope to be gaining from the location change. Because it’s not a necessary move, we have to look inward, considering what we’re responsible for and what we’re simply reacting to. For instance, if we changed our perspective and our behavior, would our lives change for the better where we are currently, and would that be enough? What does the move symbolize for us – a fresh start, greater convenience, or a move up to a better life altogether?

“What if you couldn’t move?” Stephen asks as we discuss the reasons behind our desire to changes residences and locales. “Many people can’t.” They’re stuck in the village, stuck with the tribe, stuck in their hut, stuck with their spouse, stuck with the same view day in day out. What happens then when you need a fresh start, more convenience, or to feel you’re moving up in the world? What does one do then?

“I would redecorate,” I say chuckling but in all honesty, because I know the power of revitalizing and re-directing energy. But who couldn’t help feeling somewhat stuck in a situation from which you couldn’t escape? There are those of us who get stuck in our dramas, moving from one crisis to another; that’s what we know and that’s where we’re comfortable. Others are in perpetual search of the perfect life, building intolerance to un-pleasantries and perpetual dissatisfaction with never finding what we seek. Neither manner of living, however, is constructive or truly joy-producing.

I think further about what I would do if I couldn’t literally move when I wanted to. I would try to hold to the new mindset created when one ponders doing something as drastic as moving. I would try to come up with other ways in which to feel “we’re moving up in the world” and attempt to create some of that convenience we were hoping for. Basically, I would not return to the exact same mental space because I know there’s always a powerful symbolic aspect to change.

“If the move is not one of necessity but mere choice, then you’re moving from one psychological, spiritual place to another,” Stephens continues, “to create a different experience and a feeling of home.”

“I guess I have always been trying to create that ideal feeling of home,” I respond.

“People always say to make where you are home,” Stephen says, “but sometimes you have to change things to really feel ok, to create the environment that you want. Sometimes we have to go on a journey – whether literal or metaphorical - to find home.” Nonetheless, even when we’ve found the perfect home for us or have made some move to a better place, there’s still going to be something unresolved about our lives. And our tendency is to question why everything isn’t well and good now. But no amount of change we affect will transform the nature of life. “Unresolved” is just the state of something unfinished, amongst a myriad of other states; it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

So rather than letting this cause us ongoing anxiety, we’d benefit ourselves by realizing it’s good to have things yet to accomplish. We actually need some unresolved things in our lives, something left to desire and work toward. This adds meaning and motivates us to keep reaching for more. When we learn to see it this way, this acceptance then allows us to finally feel the joy we’ve been denying ourselves so long.

The Incredible Lightness of Getting Away

Do you need a vacation, or a vacation from your vacation?

Just the anticipation of an upcoming getaway is sometimes enough to help us get through a little more of what we thought we could no longer bear. We’ll push that much harder just to get through to the long-awaited time off and trip away. We may even be willing to lose sleep to get done what needs to get done, tie up those loose ends, and make our transition back that much (hopefully) easier.

I love the anticipation of vacation, even if it’s months away. I’ll make lists of things to pack, places to go and things to do before I set off on the horizon. When I have enough time in which to do this, I enjoy the planning and slow anticipation of a carefree lifestyle and renewed outlook. But often, this ends up being a luxury I can’t really afford, with time and serenity being somewhere off in the elusive distance.

Ideally, who doesn’t plan at least somewhat for vacation? We have to plan the destination, the getting there, getting around and getting back. We might plan activities ahead of time. Are we swimsuit ready, do we have the right suitcase, who will feed the pets, will we get all our work done at the office, and will we be able to foresee and sidestep any mishaps that may arise?
Even with all of this strategizing, we feel fortunate to be able to get away, don’t we? With our busy, demanding lives, vacation at times and to some can seem just a pipe dream, however. But I will argue that not making some time to ‘get away’ – whatever that means to you – actually hurts us more in the long run.

Whatever ‘high maintenance’ qualities vacation can take on, think about the demands of our daily lives. There’s so much coming and going, preparation and expectation, consequence-handling and reacting. When one problem is solved or dissolved, we move right onto the next one. Many of us feel responsible for everything around us going smoothly while we’re being pulled in multiple directions at one time. We probably don’t feel we have much – if any – of a cushion to fall back on, whether in terms of money, support or sanity. To ‘drop it all’ for a week or so can even bring on more stress and anxiety.

But again, I argue - To question not just how we got here, but why we’re still here (in this frantic pace) is precisely what the subconscious will do while you’re “away”. That part of you that knows what joy and peace and wellbeing feel like will shed its business suit and languish in every moment of free time you allow it. It will frolic, laugh and play, siesta in the afternoon, and buy silly souvenirs. But when you’re not paying attention, it will do some of the most important work - It will evaluate your life, hone in on what matters most, and point to what’s getting in the way.

This dialogue between our frantic self and our serene self is crucial in the balancing of our lives. And since vacation is the serene self’s time to shine, the frantic self (usually willingly) steps aside. Yet it is only by working together – being whole - that we can see the grains of wisdom falling through our butterfly net or out of the vast cosmos. And the easy feelings that vacation eventually brings relaxes us enough to let the clarity and meaning in.

“The best news of all is that we never really lose vacation mind,” Stephen says. It is entirely possible to feel peace in the midst of the anxiety and whatever else is going on; we don’t have to always remove the anxiety first. With vacation, Stephen adds, “You’re rolling to a stop rather than putting on the breaks. You are simply enjoying yourself naturally, rather than trying to force it.”

So have you taken a break from your typical life lately or are you at least planning to?

A new perspective can truly be a blessing, even if we simply replace a fraction of our usual daily routine with a dose of vacation bliss. What can really be so important that we don’t take care of our deepest needs? Whose world are we trying to keep spinning atop those various plates and dancing puppets? And if it’s our most personal, intimate world that’s got us so uptight and anxious, now’s the chance to rethink, re-focus and recreate. Starting someplace exotic.

Creative Community, Helping Hands, Blissful Beings

We just had our second successful ‘La Dolce Vita’ event at Middle Way Health’s Midtown Sacramento location and we’d like to thank those who joined us for an evening of ‘The Sweet Life’!

For people and connections to feel real, we have to actually get together with them - to feel and share energy, chemistry and emotion. It’s the physical presence and awareness (embodiment) that makes a connection, thought or idea real. The intent of our ‘La Dolce Vita’ gatherings is to bring creative people together to sample and discuss what makes up The Sweet Life, to come up with ideas and create a community of like-minded people who want to be happy and make the world a better place.

We all want to live some version of The Sweet Life, and we need others with whom to share the rewards of our efforts. Coming together around a vision causes it to grow and spread, and community is then built up around it. But we’re not just talking about superfluous things; happy people make the best helpers. It may sound corny, but it’s true.

We all want to be happy, healthy and helpful, right? Often, however, we don’t know exactly how we can help others. Our ‘La Dolce Vita’ gatherings have brought together a variety of people and professions - many of whom don’t normally come together in the same place. For instance, we’re connecting artists, writers and musicians who haven’t previously networked with mental health professionals, politicians and community activists, who in return don’t generally mingle with healers, food industry or fashion professionals.

Bringing different aspects of our community together in this way we are building bridges, sharing passions, generating ideas and solving problems. And our events serve as a method to spread various sources of information. For instance, Melanie Noel Light prepared a visual presentation of Dream Life Designing at our last gathering, something we’d like to continue, with a different presenter from the community each time. This is how we grow ourselves and our businesses, and this is how we make a more significant difference.

We all experience stressors in life - often all too often - and we at Middle Way Health believe in alleviating them by dealing with our responsibilities and creating room for the good stuff; the stuff that makes life worth living. This requires a balance between rewarding ourselves (while not leaning toward hedonism) and practicing blissful wisdom (accepting and sharing what we’ve learned).

At Middle Way Health we offer a variety of services to bring about joyful balance in one’s life. But it’s not solely about doing things one-on-on; we also aim to spread the vision of ‘La Dolce Vita’ (a healthy, joyful, balanced life) through workshops, classes and community events.

We believe we can all be healthy and happy at the same time. While maintaining health takes work, it shouldn’t detract from the happiness we want to experience. A happy, healthy person living a balanced life is to us a success - and can make a difference, even if just by example. A group or community of happy, healthy people living in balance and working together, however, can really turn the tides for the better!

AGING: Healthy Role Models and Mindsets

My husband is only 43 and yet he worries about aging to the extent that it sometimes wakes him in the middle of the night. He worries about losing loved ones, his health failing, and to a lesser but still painful extent, his looks fading. He’s not overly vain; he’s just like the rest of us – honest and searching.

I can relate with much of what he’s experiencing. When you turn that corner from the future being always a distance away to seeing and feeling yourself aging, it is disconcerting. Suddenly, here’s this fact of life (aging) that you never really literally imagined happening to you (getting old), and it’s now happening - to you.

In our youth and beauty-obsessed culture, it’s no wonder that we’re uneasy about our years showing. There are, however, more significant, affecting ways in which we age, including our health failing, mental health suffering, and thoughts tending toward mortality. We develop GI tract issues, stiffening joints, unreliable memories, etc.… and they’re not just superfluous complaints. They’re typical things people who are aging talk about and have a strong desire to mitigate. That’s the medical/psychological side of it all. But what if we look at it from another perspective, with a different outlook and attitude?

When I bring up the topic with Stephen, the first thing that comes to his mind is his grandmother. He says he once asked her how old she felt when she was in her late 80s. She responded that she still felt 17 - and she lived to be 102. “I feel younger in some ways than I have before,” Stephen says at age 60. “I’d say I was more preoccupied with getting older when I was younger.”

Feeling like he’s turned a corner, he seems to have made a certain peace with aging. “Something in us is getting younger… it feels a bit like Merlin. He would get younger as he aged. In other words, the more I age, the more I’m coming closer to my next rebirth.” I realize this is a spiritual perspective, and I wonder if those of us worried about aging just need something to believe in. It’s certainly so much nicer than feeling like a victim of time and gravity with endless physical and cognitive worries.

But how about younger generations; what are they learning with so many role models trying so desperately not to age? I hope enough of us can find a balance between taking care of ourselves and respecting the parts of us that undeniably get older. As for me, I do try to be gentle with my imperfect self and not to worry about inevitable things.

It’s a science, if we think about aging in terms of eating right, staying active, engaging the mind, and challenging old beliefs and stale attitudes. It’s an empowering lifestyle if we focus on how better we can live right now, how well we can wear our years. Yet maybe it’s a religion too – If we find something so great to believe in that we fear no future phantoms and instead lap up the present as if it were the best fountain of youth there is.

Winter Solstice 2012

This is a unique time in history. We may not know exactly why, but many of us are feeling it in some way, shape or form. And so all the more reason to take care of ourselves, figure out what matters most to each of us, and focus on (and create) the wondrous.

In some ways, this December feels like the beginning of a fresh start, while also having a profound, ancient quality to it. What’s in between? Time and space to relax, reflect, and mostly, be in the present moment more presently than before. If we choose, we could even re-envision a new future for ourselves. How we think, feel and act today will affect that future more than anything.

As the holidays are upon us, we can find meaning inherent in them (whether we’re religious or not) or create new traditions that speak to the soul. Being with loved ones, slowing down, appreciating our surroundings, realizing the importance of our health, creating and enjoying peace and harmony… We are reminded of the significance of these things this time of year, as it is an opportunity to awaken the spirit. This, however, requires moving past societal pressures while connecting with earthly and spiritual ones.

Eclipses, full moons, solstices, planetary alignments and shifts signal powerful energies lining up. They are natural rhythms that are opportunities for reflection, renewal and celebration. By connecting with the powers all around us we can ground ourselves, release stress, and tap into the most magical and meaningful things – some of which might not yet even exist.

Often, when things shift from day to night, dark to light, full to empty, one season to another, these in-between times reveal subtle places and powers we tend to miss. Time and space converge in a unique way, and we ought to be open, curious, magical in our thinking. But how do we tap into the potential that lies in the in-between moment and the opportunities for us to become more aware, calm and connected?

This is done by holding the two polarities (day and night, light and dark, etc.) together at one time, even if just for a moment. Just notice them and that place where their energies are even; then hold them in awareness without judgment. When we’re in an innocent state something happens in between, something forms between the gap. That’s where the real energy, the real self is. It’s not just happening outside of us; it’s felt in the body too. What’s happening in the universe in also happening in us.

Whether it’s our nature or something we’ve learned, we tend to be antagonistic about opposites, always thinking we have to choose just one and reject the other. But when we begin to experience these polarities working together – when we’re somewhere between ‘holding on’ and ‘let go’ - a special energy happens in the gap and something appears out of that space that is new. This newness can be tapped into by being present and open, and catching a wave of inspiration or insight.

Tapping into nature’s power - the earth beneath us, the energies around us, and the cosmic powers above us – help us tap into our personal power. By thinking of our highest intentions, we can bring about our highest potential, one moment at a time. Simple and profound.

La Dolce Vita – Because You Deserve It

‘La Dolce Vita’ means ‘The Sweet Life” in Italian. You’ve probably heard the term before. So why the sweet life? Why want it, why aim for it, why learn to create it a bit each and every day? Aside from the fact that it just feels good, being happy and content improves our health, gives us inspiration to continue our self-care, and betters our interactions with the world.

Being healthy allows us to participate in the fun things life has to offer. If we’re not motivated toward our own well being, our experiences become increasingly less pleasurable. Ultimately we all want to enjoy ourselves and we want others to do the same… but within reason, of course. And so there’s the balance. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle from day to day can become a rather serious endeavor at times, and yet this is tempered by simply letting ourselves enjoy the finer - as well as simpler - things in life.

Living life to the fullest without doing harm to others is consciously and compassionately-inspired action that brings about more of the good stuff for all. While not every decision we make has to be universally directed, feeling a connection to others is an imperative component to our well being. Enjoying what we do and sharing the rewards that we reap with other healthy-minded, creative individuals allows us to enjoy both the emotional and tangible things in life, such as food, wine, music, art, nature, good company, etc.

If we let ourselves lose sight of the little things that contribute to our everyday happiness because of excessive worry, fear or doubt, health problems, traumatic experiences, relationship or career challenges, etc., we won’t be very motivated to improve our lives. If on the other hand we realize that we all have things to work on throughout our lives – and resources at our disposal in which to do so – we can get down to the business of tending to our well being. Then, letting ourselves experience the rewards of our efforts a little each day, creating and enjoying a taste of the sweet life, it becomes that much easier to envision and welcome in.

This balanced place, or the middle way, where responsibility becomes empowerment and feeling good becomes our ultimate reward, feels like coming home to a place we’ve always belonged. It’s the relief of finally ‘getting it’, and the realization that relaxation is both a reaction of and precursor to peace of mind. In both literal and figurative terms, walking the path of the middle way is a sweet reward for all of the senses.

What we’re creating at Middle Way Health is a place to connect with others, do dream work and healing work, express ourselves, enlighten our minds and enliven our spirits. We are creating a place where it all comes together – our well being and the betterment of our lives; a place where we can share challenges and dreams with others, and together watch the fruits of our labors ripen.